My Pandemic Musings
I was enjoying my first helping of Dosa Grill’s lunch buffet when the manager approached our booth to tell my friend and me that there would be no more buffet for a while because Governor Cuomo had ordered restaurant dining rooms to shut down as of 8 PM that day.
After I paid my check on that March 16, I walked away overly optimistic that dining rooms would reopen quickly despite the restaurant manager’s suggestion that it might be a while. As of late May, we New Yorkers are still living with limits in response to a highly infectious virus that was here before we knew it. Of course, there are epidemiologists who suggest that someone should have seen this coming; that the 2017 gutting of the NSA pandemic response team was like taking the batteries out of a smoke detector and hoping the detector still works.
So now what?
Because I’ve experienced severe physical trauma, I read a lot about stress related physiology. We hold our breaths during stress. Deep breathing reduces stress and we’re more likely to feel extra stress around other stressed out people. I’ve found that some face masks impair deep breathing. I choose to wear a neckerchief/face covering in case I can’t stay away from people outdoors and a blue paper face mask when shopping. I am not ready to seek out designer fashion masks. I don’t want certain COVID19 avoidance measures to morph into normalcy.
During the H1N1 epidemic, epidemiologists suggest we stop shaking hands. Ok. Maintaining safe personal space might solve a lot of our problems. I’ve heard that everything happens for a reason. While we always have reason to investigate our own personal health choices, most of us want to believe what we have come to believe. Most of us come to believe what we believe by accessing information that reinforces our beliefs.
When I last checked, the FOX News website reports the total COVID infections by state. Fact: New York State is and may continue to be number 1 in total infections on any list which provides numeric totals without timelines or per capita context. More informative sites provide graphs displaying dates with arcing, flattening, and falling curves. All continua, including injury, disease process and healing, unfold over time. Sars-Cov-2 is a multi-focus virus about which we are just starting to learn. I’d rather learn about Coronavirus than dismiss it. The COVID 19 pandemic is medical history and world history in the making.
Locally, restaurant and facilities closings (including restroom closings in public parks), while intended to keep us safe (and away), has led both to responsible citizens feeling scolded and punished, and to some overly reactive citizen monitoring of who is or isn’t “social distancing” properly in public. Some of us forget that as Sars-Cov- 2 spreads itself around, we are all potential victims, “victims” being the operative term. While we can’t see Sars-Cov-2, we can see (and judge) each other. Seasonal allergies cause sneezing. Was the person whose mask covers only her nose find herself struggling to breathe?
We need friendly and safe physical activity more during times of stress. Is the aerobic benefit of a brisk morning walk diminished when one is breathing through a couple layers of cotton or paper? I’ve tried to assess my blood oxygen levels using an oximeter I ordered through a vendor on Amazon.com. My new oximeter provided one reading. I returned it and have not yet received my refund, and I can’t follow up by phone because Amazon is protecting its credit card call center workers by not staffing the call center. I realize the sunk cost of the oximeter is miniscule in the big picture. Still, I would rather have spent the $43.95 plus return postage for a nice meal at a local restaurant.
I’ve lived with a brain injury that caused many problems that physical therapy could have abated. Instead, I tried to sit at desks sometimes struggling to quietly concentrate on my work. My NY PAUSE related staying home has triggered old feelings of powerlessness, helplessness, sadness, and anger. I pay attention to my thoughts when I feel such feelings. Deep breathing can change one’s thinking. Breathing is power over one’s personal space.
Wishing things were different is no defense against what is.
Distraction, anxiety, and hypervigilance are symptoms of PTSD. This pandemic is trauma and traumatic stress has already created tense vigilante like interpersonal conflict in stores, outside statehouses and in physically safe but emotionally dangerous settings such as social media. And, this is happening as the weather heats up during a highly partisan election year.
I’m not a health professional. I am a person who has been and still is recovering from early physical trauma that resulted in ongoing stress and trauma. Learning about how the body, brain, and mind function as one has helped me make better choices.
Knowledge is power.
Breath is life.
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