The Emoji Movie

Every year, there is at least one film that simply defies explanation. It can be very any number of reasons; maybe the story is non-existent, or the performances are terrible, or the special effects are lackluster. Other times, it is obvious from the moment of its inception that a movie is destined to fail, and there are a laundry list of reasons that make you wonder how it was ever produced in the first place. Now, this may come as a complete shock to you, but THE EMOJI MOVIE is the exact perfect storm of awfulness that I just described.

In the bustling virtual city of Textopolis, Emojis live for the moment when they called into action. Baby Emjois grow up dreaming of the moment when they can get themselves scanned, and delivered, via text message, to an eager recipient. One such Emjoi is Gene (TJ Miller) who is supposed to make the “Meh” face when it’s his time to shine. Unfortunately, when his big chance arrives, Gene is afflicted with a case of first day jitters, and makes the wrong face. This has real-world consequences for tweenager Alex (Jake T. Austin) who was attempting to send a clever Emoji to a girl he is interested in. As a result, Alex begins to doubt the capabilities of his smartphone, and Gene is labeled as a “malfunction.” Basically, Gene is going to be destroyed due to his inability to make the correct face. As he flees into the underworld of Textopolis, he is accompanied by Hi-5 (James Corden) who helps him navigate the perilous situations he encounters along the way.

With inner conflict being the crux of storyline, THE EMOJI MOVIE was just like INSIDE OUT, had INSIDE OUT been a terrible, 90 minute commercial for text messaging. The situations that unfold are baffling, generic, and standard-issue family fare, infused with built-in marketing ploys that would make Disney blush.

I realize that this movie was just supposed to be a lighthearted, brightly colored romp that was meant to illicit laughs from little ones, and maybe a few chuckles for parents along the way. There are, shockingly enough, a fistful of Poo-Emoji jokes. There are a number of different bits that involve other Emoji favorites, each one more forgettable than the one before it. The colors certainly pop off of the screen, and the animation is fine, but other than that, there is no redemptive value in the entire production. Oh, and those laughs I mentioned earlier? They never happen. Ever.

The Emoji Movie features a full range of digital emotions each one more forgetable than the one before it.

It’s confounding to me that so many talented people signed on board to the disaster. Aside from Miller and Corden, Maya Rudolph (who is the only one who comes even close to eliciting anything that resembled a smile), Sean Hayes, Anna Farris, and Patrick Stewart all lend their voices to the most inane and pointless characters they’ve ever had the displeasure of associating themselves with.   

Perhaps the most befuddling aspect of THE EMOJI MOVIE, is how dark it was. In most family films, there is one antagonist (and maybe a few of their cronies) that dissuades others from showing individuality. In this train wreck, however, the idea that everyone needs to stay within the carefully constructed confines of their designated personality is hammered home at every turn. When we’re not watching tweens glued to their screens at all times, or being told that texting is the greatest thing that has ever happened in the history of humanity, we’re watching Mr. and Mrs. “Meh” Emoji (Jennifer Coolidge and the cleverly casted Steven Wright) bemoan their son’s character flaws. They argue with each other over who is to blame, and, until the end (spoiler alert!) seem to believe that he is a complete and utter failure because of his ever-evolving personality. 

With the plethora of family films, both old and new, at your disposal, there is literally no reason to waste a second of your time on what will easily be the worst animated film of the year.

The Emoji Movie: F

Brian Miller