Trigger Warning
We all speak different languages. Punctuation on paper conveys emotion; we punctuate our spoken words with tone of voice and body language. Many of us believe we should not discuss politics or religion at the dinner table and/or that we should not tell ethnic jokes or label others using denigrating language ever. Many people don’t want to be told what not to say, and people nearby hearing discussions involving marginalizing labeling don’t always hear the context; they hear the trigger word. Trigger words can cause strong emotions to bubble up in groups. Active listening and self-regulation facilitate good communication, and it’s often true that talking things through takes too much effort; it feels pointless to try to reach an understanding with someone who doesn’t care about you or what you think. 
So, how do any of us learn when and how to get to safety when we discover we’re in unsafe situations? How do we learn how to avoid unsafe situations to begin with? Many of us are steeped in values cultures where practicing our faith seems to require sacrificing one’s preferences and safety for others.
When I typed the preceding sentence, my fingers stopped typing.” “Sacrifice” is a trigger word for me. Early on, I felt compelled to sacrifice myself when others demanded it. Now that I’ve inadvertently triggered myself, I’ll take a breath and try to write the next few words I intended to write and, I’ll leave the word “sacrifice” in this piece maybe so I can say I mistrust the intentions of anyone who wants someone else to “sacrifice” something. Giving something with fully informed consent isn’t “sacrifice.”
Much is written about trigger warnings in college classrooms. I imagine a religion professor would find me to be a handful in terms of triggers. If I were in such a professor’s shoes, I would say, it’s not all about you; it’s about the whole community. Of course, whole communities are made of individuals, and some individuals, particularly if they talk a lot, draw fire as being representative of specific community viewpoints.
Active listening and self-regulation help with trigger issues.
We’re all triggered by some things.
We all trigger other people sometimes.
Hanging on my refrigerator, I have an old Vera House pamphlet about emotional and verbal abuse to remind me that abuse includes putting someone down privately or in public; ignoring or making fun of someone’s feelings; or causing someone to feel confused or afraid when you’re around them. The third item on the list sometimes confuses me. I often hear and read that no one can make you feel anything without your permission. I both agree and disagree.
Mindful listening can help people sort through confusion and triggering language, but only if all people communicating are actively involved in the process. Vera House’s 2021 annual report is no longer online, but the paper copy I received in the mail late November discusses Vera House’s anti-racism work which involves discussions in separate caucuses: “of Color” and “White.” Vera House was in the news for its anti-racism work but more recently, for a questionable hire. Regarding that hire: I am guessing that a community service non-profit might readily hire a known pastor because many people absolutely trust religious leaders. People of faith are often front and center in doing good for the community. 
Faith connects to emotion.
Our emotional pumps are primed from infancy to respond to any authority with trust and fear, fight/flee/or freeze, love, and joy, and sadly, to sometimes present a false smiling self to avoid any anticipated scary responses from some known powerful person. The DSM lists many personality disorders which were created by neurons firing and wiring together in unsafe situations. There is a lot of good trauma informed research available to help people recover, which is good, because there are also entire bodies of information about controlling others through fear.
I was waiting to order coffee in Barnes and Noble Café when a book on display on the counter next to the dessert case triggered my interest. I assumed “Bluebird,” by Sharon Cameron would be a romance, but I had to check. When I was a little girl, seated in a normal living room in a familiar house, I learned a bit about “bluebirds” who weren’t birds. I saw papers titled MK Ultra mind control. I helped someone practice interviewing techniques. “Bluebird” is indeed about the Nazi’s Project Bluebird, a mind control project that preceded the United States CIA’s MK Ultra. Project Bluebird and MK Ultra were designed to install triggers in people to get them to behave in a certain way. Knowledge is power.
What’s your trigger?
