Building Boundaries
Creating and establishing boundaries is crucial for maintaining mental well-being. When I think of a boundary, what comes to my mind is an invisible line in the sand that is designed to keep us protected, safe, and comfortable.
Some people might not understand the importance of creating boundaries and maintaining them because they were raised in dysfunctional homes, and they never learned what healthy boundaries are. Therefore, creating boundaries is not only essential for mental well-being but also for developing a sense of growth and personal power.
Creating boundaries requires us to assert ourselves. It requires us to speak up for ourselves and let other people know what we want and what we need. This can be difficult, however, especially for the individual raised in a dysfunctional home. They might have learned that getting angry was off limits. Or crying was perceived as a form of weakness. So rather than getting angry and crying, they learned to repress their emotions. As adults, they might engage in similar behaviors by remaining passive and helpless like they felt when they were a child. This is why it’s so important to create healthy boundaries, develop a sense of agency, and exert control over one’s life.
Here are a few ways to create healthy boundaries:
- When creating a boundary, keep it simple. In this situation, less is best. For example, “Please cover your mouth when you cough.” You don’t need to explain or justify the reason why you’re building a boundary or feel bad for doing it. Nor do you have to get loud and angry when doing it. Just be firm, respectful, and calm.
- When creating boundaries, your friends and family may get mad at you. This might make you feel like you’re a bad person. You might also feel like you’re letting friends and family down. When you tell them, “I can’t make your dinner party tonight.” However, if they get angry at you, it’s not your problem. If they decide they don’t want to be your friend and want to end your friendship, then you’re better off not having them in your life. Who wants a friend that doesn’t respect the healthy boundaries that you’re building for yourself, right?
- When you create boundaries, you might feel guilty. You might even feel like you’re a selfish person for trying to take care of yourself. I know. I have been there myself. However, I might suggest that you do it anyway. And in the event you start feeling guilty, “Why did I say no?” simply remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with you for wanting to take care of yourself. Don’t allow feelings and emotions to get in the way of your mental health.
- When creating boundaries, don’t send mixed messages. It’s important to say what you mean and mean what you say. It might be difficult building boundaries at first; however, it will get easier the more you do it. Trust me, I can attest to it.
- When creating boundaries, find friends or family members that you can confide in when you start experiencing guilt, fear, or shame. Or when you start getting caught up in a vortex of negative ruminations over something that you might have said or done. It’s so important to have a support system, to have people you can turn to who will listen, who care, who will support you, and who have your best interest at heart.
- When creating boundaries, if you notice it’s causing you to have heightened anxiety, depression, or emotional distress, you might consider getting professional help. In doing so, you can learn more about what causal factors are coming into play and causing you emotional distress and help you navigate your way through the process.
Creating boundaries might require some practice and time; however, in the long run, it is worth it. Think of it as a gift you’re giving to yourself. It’s an opportunity to improve the quality of your life and improve your mental well-being.
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