Mental Health and Men
A number of years ago there was a song titled “I’m Not in Love” by the band 10cc, and one of the lyrics was…Be quiet, big boys don’t cry. Big boys don’t cry. When reflecting on those lyrics, they were right on point.
Through the socialization process, traditional gender roles are assigned during childhood, and men are expected to be strong and not outwardly display emotions or vulnerability. This might explain why we hear terms such as “Man up,“ “Toughen up,” or “Don’t be a wimp.” But what happens when a man is going through a rough patch or some sort of a crisis and needs help but feels reluctant to get it because stereotypical messages from society have been internalized?
This might cause adverse consequences. As a result, some men believe seeking help is a sign of weakness. While others think maintaining the preconceived notion of remaining stoic is what men must do. And, other men might feel a general reluctance to seek help due to the stigmas surrounding mental health. This might explain why the rates of men seeking help are lower than among women. The National Institute for Mental Health pointed out that 52% of women with mental health issues received help in 2021, versus 40% of men. But what’s even more alarming is that the suicide rate among men is significantly higher than among women. According to the National Institute for Mental Health, the suicide rate was four times higher among men than among women in 2022. This should be a wake-up call to each and every one of us. But even more so to men, by letting them see the ramifications these viewpoints are having on the male population and how problems ensue because of them. Let’s take a closer look at what those problems might be.
Resorting to maladaptive coping mechanisms such as substance abuse as a mechanism to numb symptoms and pain, which in the long run can create further problems down the road. For instance, comorbidity, which is also commonly referred to as “dual diagnosis,” whereby treating two diagnoses simultaneously could potentially complicate the treatment plan. Some men might not even be able to recognize underlying mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder, which in turn can exacerbate problems. Delaying treatment and not receiving mental health interventions can result in devastating consequences such as suicide, which may have been prevented.
So what steps might be taken to change stereotypical views and break barriers for men to seek help? Here are a few suggestions:
- Create a safe space: This can happen right in your home by creating an opportunity for men to feel open to express their feelings without feeling judged or ridiculed. Safe spaces can be created in other environments, such as a church, etc.
- Inquire: If you start noticing a man in your life is more quiet than usual, start asking questions. For example, “I noticed you haven’t been as talkative lately; would you like to tell me about it? Or, “I know it’s difficult to talk, but I’m always here to listen. Is there anything you want to talk to me about?”
- Use Role Models: Make it a point to highlight men that are open about their mental health journey that have sought help, like “The Rock,” Dwayne Johnson, Prince Harry, and Michael Phelps.
- Provide Information and Resources: Offer information about local support groups, helplines, or mental health resources available on social media. You can also provide them with books to read focusing on men and mental health. If you feel like the situation is becoming more dire, step up and become a support person or mental health advocate and let them know you’re there for them in times of need. Above all, urge them to seek professional help if you start noticing changes in behavior like becoming withdrawn, giving things away, or using alcohol and drugs more frequently to prevent any adverse eventualities.
- Share Your Story: Sharing your own experiences can be really helpful as well. I find when I share my journey with male clients, they feel more inclined to share their own experiences. In doing so, they don’t feel so alone.
- Discuss Societal Expectations: Start a conversation about the effects stereotypical viewpoints are having on men to increase awareness, knowledge, and reduce potential risks.
- Encourage Self-Care: Stress the importance of diet, exercise, sleep, and seeking help for mental health issues and the importance of mental health interventions.
Mental health and men is a crucial topic these days, so we must keep the conversation going. With that being said, I am giving any man reading this article permission to address their mental health issues and cry when needed. Why? Because life can be hard, and big boys should be able to cry. Not only am I giving you permission to cry, but you can give yourself permission as well. Happy Father’s Day! See you next month.
