The Power of Saying No
Have you ever felt like…I must never say “no.” What would people think of me? What would they say about me? Or, I must never say “no.” If I did, it would be selfish and mean, and no one would ever love me. I will be left all alone.
I understand. I have felt this way on a number of occasions. And I’m not saying you have to say “no” all of the time because we want others to be there for us at times. But would you believe me if I told you saying “no” can create a sense of mental well-being? Or, better still, create a feeling of power and control in your life? There are a number of benefits that can be derived by simply learning to say “no.” Let’s take a closer look at what they might be and how they can enhance your mental well-being.
Stress Reduction: I pride myself on helping people, especially those grappling with mental health issues. This explains why I have spent the past twenty-five years of my life working in the mental health field facilitating support groups, writing books on mental health, providing lectures on topics pertinent to mental health, and working with clients. However, there was a time in my life when I overextended myself, and it had an adverse effect on my mental health. It took me a number of years to understand how to manage stress and not spread myself too thin. But it wasn’t easy for me to say “no” to people, family, and friends. So, I literally had to turn it into a daily practice and work at it every day. Over time, my stress levels decreased, and I didn’t feel as overwhelmed, burned out, or constantly needing to please other people.
Better Boundaries: Setting boundaries can be difficult at times because of the fear of losing friendships or relationships. You might also fear hurting or upsetting someone. Or, deep down inside, you might have an underlying fear of being abandoned and left alone. I understand. I have been there. However, it is when we set clear boundaries by saying, “I’m not comfortable sharing my salary with you,” or, “I need more time to think about that,” that we can protect our emotional space and mental well-being.
Improved Self-Esteem: How many times have you said “yes” when you really wanted to say “no?” It might sound something like…“No problem, I will work overtime,” when you made plans for that evening you were really looking forward to. Or, “Sure, I have no problem babysitting for you,” when you’re not feeling well and want to stay home and rest. As difficult as it may seem, when you assert yourself by saying “no,” you will improve your self-esteem. I know it’s easier said than done, but you will thank yourself for doing it. This is because every time you say “no,” you’re also building self-worth. You’re sending a bold message to yourself. The message is, you matter.
Increased Focus: Do you ever feel like you have a bad case of scatterbrain? You just feel like you can’t concentrate on anything. You look at your friends’ lives, and they appear to be more organized than yours. Did you ever think it’s because you have too many distractions going on in your life? So, this is where saying “no” comes in handy. This is because when you’re no longer bogged down by external distractions and demands, you can focus on the things in your life that are important to you. 
Self-Care: When you think of self-care, what comes to mind? Self-care means addressing your mental, physical, emotional, social, and spiritual health. Self-care activities include walking, playing music, yoga, painting, meditation, reading a book, resting, coloring, etc. So what is the correlation between self-care and saying “no?” Well, saying “no” allows you to take more time to engage in activities that meet your needs and support your mental well-being.
As we go through our lives, we will be asked to do things for others. And I think it’s important to avail ourselves to others, especially in times of need. However, just remember there is power in saying “no.” This is because saying “no” can reduce stress, create better boundaries, improve self-esteem, self-care, and increase focus. Above all, improve mental well-being! See you next month!
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